PAGE 1
...You are an intrepid geocacher who doesn't go for Park n' Grabs or LPC's. I mean what's the point, you've got bigger fish to fry. So when you see something new pop up on your map and there aren't any trails shown right by it you start to get excited. But wait a minute, how are you going to get there?
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If this just seems too hard turn to page 2.
If you figure, hey I've got some coordinates and a GPS and the CO even gave me 4 possible parking locations, this really can't be THAT bad turn to page 3
PAGE 2
So you like to Geocache but maybe solving puzzles at home is your thing or else you are in your good church clothes. You quickly do a search on your app and go off to find a 1.5/1.5 that has a water soaked log and some moldy swag..
The End
PAGE 3
So being the smart Geocacher you are, the first thing you do is open up the cache description and look at the attributes. Hmm poison ivy, that's a little annoying. And also a tree climb and it has just rained and that tree is probably pretty slippery.
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If you are wearing shorts and your Nike slides and you figure you will either end up with a serious case of itchy poison ivy or there is no way you will make it up a tree in those shoes then go to page 2.
If you have some sneakers and a pair of long pants handy and you figure I'm not getting any younger I might as well go for this now before I'm more interested in playing bridge and becoming a crazy cat lady then go to page 4.
PAGE 4
So now that you've decided you are actually going to do this you go back and carefully look at the parking waypoints that are given. You see that you can approach from all different directions and you also notice the way that the stream winds its way across the map. It's obvious that the closest parking is the one called "The Playground". However it does mention getting wet. Hard to tell from the map but will I have to wade across the stream to get to where the cache is? You also start to think well if I'm wading across the stream anyways what if I just took one of the other ways and since there aren't any paths shown I just walk right in the stream all the way from where one of the bridges crosses the stream?
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If you decide to go to Parking 1, walk to the bridge and then follow the stream go to Page 5.
If you decide to go to Parking 2 and walk towards the bridge while looking for any sign of a trail go to Page 6.
If you decide to go to Parking 3, take the path as far as you can and then bushwack straight toward the cache go to Page 7.
If you decide to go to Parking 4, go check out the playground, make sure no people are watching you and then beat feet to GZ then go to Page 8.
PAGE 5
So the walk starts off easy on a paved path. You come upon a fairly nice bridge and you think "usually there are some paths right near a creek even if they are not official paths". This creek however is different, it would be super hard to even get down to the creek right here and really the only way to follow the creek would be to just wade the whole way there. You are not interested in getting prune feet and really is geocaching even that fun anyways? You decide to go search out the nearest Duck Donuts and drown your sorrows with a fresh hot Maple Bacon donut.
The End
PAGE 6
So you start hiking south along a nice path and you are keeping your eyes open for some kind of break in the dense undergrowth where you could possibly follow a game trail or something without totally trudging through poison ivy. You pass one sort of promising spot on your left and then another that is a little less promising before coming upon the bridge. You decide to turn around and walk back about 75 paces to the first "path" you saw that looked a little better than the one closer to the bridge. You start off down the path and think to yourself "this could actually pass as a path that someone could follow even though obviously not many people do very often". But then the trail starts to fade and the poison ivy shows up more often.
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If you think to yourself, I've come this far and I still have my GPS so I'm just gonna bushwack til I'm there then go to page 9.
If you wish this CO had taken up a different hobby and had never come up with this hide or that you had taken up a different hobby and were practicing your 9-Ball shots then go to page 2.
PAGE 7
Being a former Woodchuck Scout you are sure you know a thing or two about being in the woods and you should be able to find some tupperware even if it is up a tree in some wild and ungroomed area of the park. You go stomping off staight as an arrow in the direction your device is showing you. Yes it is a bit hard and yes you've got blood dripping from the scratches all over your arms and legs and your wet soggy swampy shoes are gonna smell for days. And your trusty sidekick is only about 1/4 your height. The only thing rising up above all of the thorns and tall grasses is the very tip of his tail. But you both finally get to a tree that looks promising. It may be a tough climb for others but not for someone who earned his Junior Possum Climbing Badge in his first week in the Scout Troop. You shimmy up the tree, scribble your name and you're soon in your back yard by the fire pit roasting marshmallows and enjoying another victorious find.
The End
PAGE 8
When you arrive at the playground you are kind of happy that there is only one person there. What you are not happy about is that for some reason it is an old man in a clown suit and you are really freaked out by clowns. The cache seems so close but yet so far. What is the best route to GZ and what the heck is a clown doing here???
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If you decide it is really too much and you really just want to go call the cops about this freaky clown go to page 10.
If you decide that with those big floppy clown shoes there is no way he could out run you go to page 9.
PAGE 9
So after a somewhat grueling hike for really not that far of a distance you have finally made it to GZ. And what do you see? A Tree leaning over the water. Well you already saw the tree climb attribute and you know this CO is a jerk so obviously that's where the stupic container is. You're now tired of having to make all these decisions so you just go ahead and climb the darn tree. You sign the log, roll it back up, screw the cap on and then you fall the last few feet as you are climbing down the tree and land in the creek with a splash!!! But at least the nightmare is over. Oh wait, you still have to get back to your car.
The End
PAGE 10
Calling the police about the clown you find out that he is actually an officer himself in disguise and on a stakeout because there has been suspicious activity lately with average citizens reporting seeing people sneaking around the woods climbing trees and messing around with suspicious objects. There have been worries that people are trying to place bombs in the park or something awful like that. You try to explain to the police what the real situation is but they totally don't believe you and they give you a ticket claiming that you were in the park after dark which everyone knows is not allowed while searching for this cache. After all it is a Fairfax County Pre-Approved Park but it is only open from Dawn 'til Dusk.
The End
FTF SERRABOU