"I'm D. B. Cooper," barked the detective as he strode purposefully into the room. "Where's the body?"
The officer at the scene guided him over to the far corner of the extensive home office, where a good-looking young man in an expensive-looking robe lay sprawled across the length of his desk, a gaping hole in his chest.
"Break it down for me," Cooper commanded. What's the situation?"
The officer rattled off the details of the case in an uninterested monotone. "Harold Edward Wood, more commonly known as Hal. Multi-millionaire and philanthropist; died of exsanguination. He was found here this morning by his butler, when he brought his morning coffee."
"Have we found the murder weapon?" Cooper asked, his eyes scanning the considerable length of the room.
The officer pointed to a large blackboard directly behind the desk, which extended the entire length of the back wall of the sizeable office. Scrawled across its length, amidst smears of blood, was a lengthy series of incomprehensible numbers, and on the chalk tray at the bottom lay a bloody letter opener.
"He was stabbed once with that. The coroner said it probably took him at least half an hour to bleed out."
"So he likely wrote that," -- Cooper gestured at the blackboard -- "while he was bleeding to death."
"And maybe this as well." The officer gestured toward a computer screen on the desk. It appeared that Wood had been in the process of applying to a dating website when he was stabbed. His profile described his interests at length, stating that he was a huge movie trivia buff and enjoyed lengthy walks on the beach.
"Isn't Hal married?" Cooper questioned, perplexed.
"Certainly," replied the officer.
"I'd like to interview his wife."
Ten minutes later, Cooper was seated opposite an attractive young woman sniffling into an embroidered handkerchief.
"I know this must be hard for you, ma'am," Cooper stated gently, "but I need to know if there was anyone who might want to hurt your husband."
"Absolutely not!" she proclaimed with intensity. "Everyone loved Hal. He was generous, gentle, loving, compassionate, loyal--"
"--Ah, about that," Cooper interjected uncomfortably. "It appears that in Mr. Wood's last few minutes, he was applying to a dating website. Were there any... uh... difficulties in your marriage?" he asked delicately.
Mrs. Wood laughed. "Oh, not at all. Hal was always filling out those profiles. He had a bit of a complex. He was always worried that people only liked him for his money, so he'd fill out these dating profiles, trying to be as truthful as possible, except for the fact that he was rich, to see if people would be attracted to him as a person."
"And what did he discover?"
"Well," Mrs. Wood replied pensively, "he had a few responses, but a lot of people found him to be a bit too much of a recluse. He almost never left the house."
"Strange," Cooper stated. "The profile we found said that he enjoyed lengthy walks on the beach."
He lapsed into silence, as he considered the strange facts of the case.
As those facts rearranged themselves in his head, he had a sudden epiphany.
"Thank you, ma'am," Cooper said, rising from his seat. "I think I know how to find your husband's killer."