7th UK Mega 2014 Attendee Coin

When chapmen billies leave the street,
And drouthy neibors, neibors meet,
As market days are wearing late,
An' folk begin to tak the gate;
While we sit bousing at the nappy,
And getting fou and unco happy,
We think na on the lang Scots miles,
The mosses, waters, slaps, and styles,
That lie between us and our hame,
Where sits our sulky sullen dame.
Gathering her brows like gathering storm,
Nursing her wrath to keep it warm.

This truth fand honest Tam o' Shanter, 
As he frae Ayr ae night did canter, 
(Auld Ayr, wham ne'er a town surpasses 
For honest men and bonie lasses.)

O Tam! had'st thou but been sae wise, 
As ta'en thy ain wife Kate's advice! 
She tauld thee weel thou was a skellum, 
A blethering, blustering, drunken blellum; 
That frae November till October, 
Ae market-day thou was nae sober; 
That ilka melder, wi' the miller, 
Thou sat as lang as thou had siller; 
That every naig was ca'd a shoe on, 
The smith and thee gat roaring fou on; 
That at the Lord's house, even on Sunday, 
Thou drank wi' Kirkton Jean till Monday. 
She prophesied that late or soon, 
Thou would be found deep drown'd in Doon; 
Or catch'd wi' warlocks in the mirk, 
By Alloway's auld haunted kirk.

Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet, 
To think how mony counsels sweet, 
How mony lengthen'd, sage advices, 
The husband frae the wife despises!

But to our tale:-- Ae market-night, 
Tam had got planted unco right; 
Fast by an ingle, bleezing finely, 
Wi' reaming swats, that drank divinely 
And at his elbow, Souter Johnny, 
His ancient, trusty, drouthy crony; 
Tam lo'ed him like a vera brither-- 
They had been fou for weeks thegither! 
The night drave on wi' sangs and clatter 
And ay the ale was growing better: 
The landlady and Tam grew gracious,
wi' favours secret,sweet and precious
The Souter tauld his queerest stories; 
The landlord's laugh was ready chorus: 
The storm without might rair and rustle, 
Tam did na mind the storm a whistle.

Care, mad to see a man sae happy, 
E'en drown'd himsel' amang the nappy! 
As bees flee hame wi' lades o' treasure, 
The minutes wing'd their way wi' pleasure: 
Kings may be blest, but Tam was glorious. 
O'er a' the ills o' life victorious!

But pleasures are like poppies spread, 
You sieze the flower, its bloom is shed; 
Or like the snow falls in the river, 
A moment white--then melts for ever; 
Or like the borealis race, 
That flit ere you can point their place; 
Or like the rainbow's lovely form 
Evanishing amid the storm.-- 
Nae man can tether time or tide; 
The hour approaches Tam maun ride; 
That hour, o' night's black arch the key-stane, 
That dreary hour he mounts his beast in; 
And sic a night he taks the road in 
As ne'er poor sinner was abroad in.

The wind blew as 'twad blawn its last; 
The rattling showers rose on the blast; 
The speedy gleams the darkness swallow'd 
Loud, deep, and lang, the thunder bellow'd: 
That night, a child might understand, 
The Deil had business on his hand.

Weel mounted on his gray mare, Meg-- 
A better never lifted leg-- 
Tam skelpit on thro' dub and mire;
Despisin' wind and rain and fire. 
Whiles holding fast his gude blue bonnet; 
Whiles crooning o'er some auld Scots sonnet; 
Whiles glowring round wi' prudent cares, 
Lest bogles catch him unawares: 
Kirk-Alloway was drawing nigh, 
Whare ghaists and houlets nightly cry.

By this time he was cross the ford, 
Whare, in the snaw, the chapman smoor'd; 
And past the birks and meikle stane, 
Whare drunken Chairlie brak 's neck-bane; 
And thro' the whins, and by the cairn, 
Whare hunters fand the murder'd bairn; 
And near the thorn, aboon the well, 
Whare Mungo's mither hang'd hersel'.-- 
Before him Doon pours all his floods; 
The doubling storm roars thro' the woods; 
The lightnings flash from pole to pole; 
Near and more near the thunders roll: 
When, glimmering thro' the groaning trees, 
Kirk-Alloway seem'd in a bleeze; 
Thro' ilka bore the beams were glancing; 
And loud resounded mirth and dancing.

Inspiring bold John Barleycorn! 
What dangers thou canst make us scorn! 
Wi' tippeny, we fear nae evil; 
Wi' usquabae, we'll face the devil!-- 
The swats sae ream'd in Tammie's noddle, 
Fair play, he car'd na deils a boddle. 
But Maggie stood, right sair astonish'd, 
Till, by the heel and hand admonish'd, 
She ventured forward on the light; 
And, vow! Tam saw an unco sight

Warlocks and witches in a dance; 
Nae cotillion brent-new frae France, 
But hornpipes, jigs strathspeys, and reels, 
Put life and mettle in their heels. 
A winnock-bunker in the east, 
There sat auld Nick, in shape o' beast; 
A towzie tyke, black, grim, and large, 
To gie them music was his charge: 
He scre'd the pipes and gart them skirl, 
Till roof and rafters a' did dirl.-- 
Coffins stood round, like open presses, 
That shaw'd the dead in their last dresses; 
And by some develish cantraip slight, 
Each in its cauld hand held a light.-- 
By which heroic Tam was able 
To note upon the haly table, 
A murders's banes in gibbet-airns; 
Twa span-lang, wee, unchristen'd bairns; 
A thief, new-cutted frae a rape, 
Wi' his last gasp his gab did gape; 
Five tomahawks, wi blude red-rusted; 
Five scymitars, wi' murder crusted; 
A garter, which a babe had strangled; 
A knife, a father's throat had mangled, 
Whom his ain son o' life bereft, 
The gray hairs yet stack to the heft;
Wi' mair o' horrible and awfu', 
Which even to name was be unlawfu'. 
Three lawyers' tongues, turn'd inside out, 
Wi' lies seam'd like a beggar's clout; 
Three priests' hearts, rotten, black as muck, 
Lay stinking, vile in every neuk.

As Tammie glowr'd, amaz'd, and curious, 
The mirth and fun grew fast and furious; 
The piper loud and louder blew; 
The dancers quick and quicker flew; 
They reel'd, they set, they cross'd, they cleekit, 
Till ilka carlin swat and reekit, 
And coost her duddies to the wark, 
And linket at it in her sark!

Now Tam, O Tam! had thae been queans, 
A' plump and strapping in their teens, 
Their sarks, instead o' creeshie flannen, 
Been snaw-white seventeen hunder linnen! 
Thir breeks o' mine, my only pair, 
That ance were plush, o' gude blue hair, 
I wad hae gi'en them off my hurdies, 
For ae blink o' the bonie burdies!