Scouting Reports (KPC2011) Mystery Cache

As Giants fans get excited about a new season again, you might want to bone up on who the hot new sports players are, so that you don't end up being the only one in the office who doesn't know who Brandon Belt is. I've done a little research for you on the internet and pulled up some Scouting Reports on players, so that you can pretend you know what's going on.

• Bruce Carter: "Carter always seems to be around the ball and is capable of making the big play. His strength and speed are helpful, but he simply has great football instincts."
• Ciron Black: "Ciron has a great sense of character and is an obedient, top-tier academic student. He has surprisingly quick speed for a lineman."
• Sam Bradford: "Bradford is very smart, he makes great decisions on the field and is trustworthy with the ball in his hands, goes through his progressions very well."
• Cody Brown: "Cody's just a very happy, cheerful guy who said of his NFL dreams, 'I haven't even thought about it that much. I just usually laugh about it.'"
• Don Carey: "Don is a raw defender who is still developing as a player, but is responsible, courteous and will do whatever the coaches ask."
• Ozney Guillen: "Ozney is a tremendous kid. Polite. Courteous. Hard-working. Totally what you would not expect from someone who really had the name behind him."
• Niko Lopez: "He was very thrifty with his pitches and he didn't fall behind a lot of batters."
• Andrew Lambo: "Andrew yelled at an umpire and threw his things into the crowd one game. It was a horrible tirade but he has too much baggage to be trustworthy."
• Kendrick Perkins: "Winning is everything and Kendrick fears no one. He's also fiercely loyal and will run you over to pick up a fallen teammate."
• Deshea Townsend: "A cornerback like Deshea Townsend is not trustworthy if left on an island too frequently."
• Jeremy Shockey: "Jeremy is courteous, insightful and most all, it seems every sentence involves talk of how the Saints are having a special season and how much he wants to be a part of it."
• Ben Foster: "Ben is an excellent kicker, has a good frame, safe hands and is brave, and that gives confidence to the defenders in front of him."
• Carlos Beltran: "Beltran has tirelessly analyzed his at-bats on DVD and continued to be courteous with the media."
• Carl Landry: "Carl is another good veteran voice for a team. He’s always a helpful teammate and will ride with his guys and block out the other nonsense."
• Presious Passion: "PRESIOUS PASSION can get brave on an easy lead, but will need several of the horses above to regress."

Special Notes about the 2011 Puzzle Challenge: To be considered for Fastest Solver points, you must verify your solution with certitude. Because certitude may not properly account for joint solutions, please email me team member names in the case of team solutions to ensure proper point accounting. All "point" scoring is arbitrary anyway, subject to change, at the discretion of the cache owner, and probably completely meaningless (unless you just want to be able to brag more at the December banquet). The real challenge is just to see whether you can solve all of these caches by the end of the year. To maintain fairness, hints should not be offered by the cache owner or other solvers until the fifteenth of the month.

Special Notes about this month's puzzle: Oh, as usual, I thought this one would be easy, but I think the mental ivy is confusing people again.

2011 Puzzle Challenge Finders
2011 Puzzle Challenge Solvers

You can validate your puzzle solution with certitude.