The Infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful method of crossing vast interstellar distances in a mere nothingth of a second without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace.
It was discovered by a lucky chance, and then developed into a governable form of propulsion by the Galactic Government's research team on Damogran. This, briefly, is the story of its discovery.
The principle of generating small amounts of finite improbability by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 sub-meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer (say a nice hot cup of tea) were of course well understood - and such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left, in accordance with the Theory of Indeterminacy.
Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this - partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties. Another thing they couldn't stand was the perpetual failure they encountered in trying to construct a machine which could generate the infinite improbability field needed to flip a spaceship across the mind-paralyzing distances between the furthest stars, and in the end they grumpily announced that such a machine was virtually impossible.
Then, one day, a student who had been left to sweep up the lab after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning this way: If, he thought to himself, such a machine is a virtual impossibility, then it must logically be a finite improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one, is to work out exactly how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn it on!
He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had managed to create the long sought after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air. It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smart ass.
Other members of the academic world have been recognized for their improbable research... research that make people laugh, and then think.
- Beerbottles can be dangerous weapons, but which is more dangerous? A researcher tested the the impact energy required to break a full beer bottle (A1) compared to the energy required to break an empty bottle (A2).
- An australian inventor managed to patent one of the oldest inventions in the world. How many words (B) does the patent title have.
- A comparative study found that fleas living on feline animals could jump in the range of C1 to C3 cm, where as those on canines could jump C2 to C4 cm (in length, not height).
- A popularly regarded rule about food safety was studied empirically (and found to be false). What is the significant number (D) in the rule?
- How many times did a researcher crack his knuckles (E) to prove his mother wrong?
- What are the scientific odds that a certain soviet leader is satan himself (F)?
- In vino veritas and, according to research, from tequila we can make other precious gems with a characteristic raman band at G cm-1
- A study with clear impact on human evolution, sexuality and economy showed that the tip lapdancers would get varied with their monthly cycle with a peak for the average lapdancer of $H1 for a five hour shift to a low of $H3 per shift and an average of $H2 per shift during the second half of the cycle. The study was carried out over H4 shifts... did the researcher get a lapdance?
- A group of researchers tried to bring order to the kind of chaos your earphone cable makes in your pocket. How many times (K) did they study the mess described by Jones polynomials?
- A group of researchers came up with an idea that looks like it was stolen from a cartoon on how to catch bank robbers. Take the prime factors of the patent number (L1-L3).
D *((G+H3)*B+D)*(K*E*D*C2 + (A1-1)*(H2-I+C1)*(L3*C1+L1*C4*C1+C2))
When you reach the calculated coordinates, you will find a small metal sign that shows the way to the cache. Multiply the numbers and follow the arrow (X*Y)m.