Remember Beetle Bailey? Of course you do!
How authentic is this set of characters? Well, it is a cartoon so the
answer is “not very.” And, it is primarily about the US Army. So this
cache is dedicated to US Air Force folks as there is no equivalent cartoon
that depicts USAF life.
Our story starts when a young recruit – we will call him Dave – or as some
call him “just plain Dave” – joins the USAF. JPD’s first words uttered
as a USAF recruit (Airman Basic) were, “Hey, where’s all my hair?”
These words were heard as he left the barber during his first day of basic training.
Unfortunately, Captain Darnewe overheard the remark and assigned JPD
4 demerits. JPD wasn’t going to take that as it just wasn’t fair! So he
appealed the demerits to the Wing Commander, Brigadier General
Baldasacueball. As you would suspect, the General wasn’t too impressed
and changed the demerits to 6!
The worst part of the encounter with the Commander was that a young
and eager officer, 2nd Lieutenant Bootlicker, was assigned to monitor
JPD’s progress throughout the rest of basic training.
Despite the haircut incident, JPD graduated from basic as an Airman a
few weeks later. He was so proud of his single stripe! He was even more
proud that a Major General (who out-ranked the Wing Commander)
presented the diploma. After all, JPD had transitioned from “civilian” to
Airman in just a few weeks.
After all the hoopla over being a rebel-rouser in basic, JPD went to his
first real assignment where he was assigned to repair the jet blow-dryers
in the barber shop of a small northern base.
Due to his reputation, he was assigned to Chief Master Sergeant Noscrewup.
His Officer in Charge was 1st Lieutenant Bootlicker who was promoted as
a result of his great job of monitoring JPD’s basic antics. The Wing
Commander had arranged for him to be transferred to the same base as JPD as a “reward.”
Time passes and JPD performed well. He had the best in commission rate
for his jet blow dryers of the entire USAF. JPD soon was promoted to Senior Airman.
His new stripes were presented by Major Proudasapeacock.
JPD’s first job as a Senior Airman was to train a newby, Airman Basic
Eagertoplease. He did such a great job of training that he was recommended
for his first commendation medal by his NCOIC, Master Sergeant Pushover.
JPD had a great career, far better than Beetle Bailey. When he retired, from
the USAF, he recalled the barber shop of years ago and elected
to have long hair throughout his retirement. “They can’t make retirees
cut their hair”, he said.
But that may not be totally true because JPD still has an officer in charge.
While on an overseas assignment, he met and married his ultimate OIC,
Captain Boonsincharge.