I am upset.
Every year, MILLIONS of my brothers and sisters are butchered on Thanksgiving in some BARBARIC anti-avian tradition.
I feel like I and my brethren are forever targeted.
So it is time for turkeys to UNITE, and I shall be their leader! I will situate myself right here, equidistant from a place where humans buy my kin to consume and from a place which symbollically reminds me of the bullseye my kind metaphorically has painted on our breasts. I will hide, safe in my little hole, but I will peer out and note who emerges from those walls with my slaughtered extended family in their coveted grocery bags.
I am taking notes, Humans! When my kind revolts and a new pecking order is established, we will know who have been our enemies.
REPENT!!
For all turkey geocachers, below we provide the cache write-up in the native language of Turkey, which bears a striking resemblance to George Orwell's Gobblespeak. We recognize that, to humans, most of this will appear to be nothing but gobbledygook. Note that this is only loosely translated via the website GobbleFish.com, so some words simply cannot be translated.
Gobble Gobble Gobble.
Gobble gobble, GOBBLE gobble gobble, gobble gobble BA-GOCKITY gobble gobble.
Gobble gobble cluckity cluck cluck.
Gobble gobble CLUCK, gobble gobble gobble! Gobble gobble, gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble breasts. Gobble, gobble gobble gobble, gobble gobble gobble gobbley gobble gobble.
Gobble gobble gobble, Cluckers! Gobble gobble gobble pecking order gobble gobble, gobble gobble gobbledy gobble gobble.
BA-GOKKKKKK!!
BIRD HUMOR (some of this may fly over your head)
Ostrich
Hen
Turkey
Chick-en.
The above is an example of my attempt at writing poultry. This may be considered fowl humor.
Moving on to the nest joke......
NEWSFLASH: In the city of Miami, a fowl situation has occurred. A research article indicates that approximately 50% of drivers have a gun in their cars. Thus, it is recommended that all citizens drive with a turkey on their front seats. If someone cuts you off, simply turn the turkey over. Police suggest that this will be a less potentially dangerous method of flipping the bird.
If you need to quote anything from this geocache write-up, we recommend using the clip-and-baste method. It's better than just winging it.
(We're just pulling your leg. You know...just stuffing the page with turkety goodness.
Is the cache container playing beak-a-boo?
*DEEP BREATH* *HEAVY THIGH*