The first known reference to the Flying Spaghetti Monster was in
an open letter by FSM Prophet Bobby Henderson in 2005, written in
protest against the decision by a local school board to permit
teaching something other than evolution.
Pastafarian beliefs generally mirror some form of creationism.
The central belief is that an invisible and undetectable Flying
Spaghetti Monster created the universe "after drinking heavily".
According to these beliefs, the Monster's intoxication was the
cause for a flawed Earth. Furthermore, according to Pastafarianism,
all evidence for evolution was planted by the Flying Spaghetti
Monster in an effort to test Pastafarian's faith. When scientific
measurements such as radiocarbon dating are taken, the Flying
Spaghetti Monster "is there changing the results with His Noodly
Appendage". The Pastafarian conception of Heaven includes a beer
volcano and a stripper factory. The Pastafarian Hell is similar,
except that the beer is stale and the strippers are ugly.
According to Pastafarianism, pirates are "absolute divine
beings" and the original Pastafarians (a portmanteau of pasta and
Rastafarian). Furthermore, Pastafarians believe that pirates' image
as "thieves and outcasts" is misinformation spread by Christian
theologians in the Middle Ages and by Hare Krishnas. Instead,
Pastafarians believe that they were "peace-loving explorers and
spreaders of good will" who distributed candy to small children,
adding that modern pirates are in no way similar to "the fun-loving
buccaneers from history". In addition, Pastafarians believe that
ghost pirates are responsible for all of the mysteriously lost
ships and planes of the Bermuda Triangle. Prophet Henderson asserts
that the steady decline in the number of pirates over the years has
resulted in global warming.
The Pastafarian sacred text, called "Loose Canon, a Holy Book of
the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster", has these excerpts,
which demonstrate certain aspects of the faith:
"I am the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Thou shalt have no other
monsters before Me. (Afterwards is OK; just use protection.) The
only Monster who deserves capitalization is Me! Other monsters are
false monsters, undeserving of capitalization."
Suggestions 1:1
"Since you have done a half-ass job, you will receive half an
ass!" The Great Pirate Solomon grabbed his ceremonial scimitar and
struck his remaining donkey, cleaving it in two."
Slackers 1:51-52
Pastafarians celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day on
September 19.
Disclaimer:
Do not approach this series lightly. If this were only a 500'
bushwhack, I would call it hellish. The roots will trip you, the
branches will shred you and poke your eyes, and the insects will
consume you. But it's not 500'. It's over 12 bloody miles! I highly
recommend you bring snake boots, lots of water, long pants, long
sleeve shirt, lots of water, good hat, pokey stick, lots of water,
spare everything, bug spray, lots of water, writing utensils, cell
phone, lots of water.
Did I mention bring lots of water?
You may find a laminated clue slip in this cache. If you do, you
might want to solve the riddle. This will help you locate the Gaia
puzzle cache nearby. Please leave clue slips in the caches you find
them in.
