Just the Facts, Ma'am Mystery Cache

Sergeant Moe Saturday and Officer Phil Dannon have been assigned to the case. After interviewing many witnesses and getting just the facts, the evil El Capitan Computation has been busted!

Sergeant Saturday and Officer Dannon assembled all the witnesses at headquarters and begin to question them all. Sergeant Saturday took a sip of his iced tea then placed the bottle on the table, snapped his fingers to get everyone's attention and asked, “Now tell me, Shoes&Sheep, have you ever solved any of the suspect’s geocaching puzzles?” Shoes&Sheep replied, “Yes officer, we’ve solved many of his puzzles. In fact, we’ve also hidden some puzzle caches”. Sgt Saturday responded, “Okay, thank you.” They call the next witness in. The Buccaneer of the Great Wall enters the room and sits down. “Have you ever hidden any puzzle caches”, asked Sgt Saturday. “A few”, answered the Buccaneer. “Okay, then, you can leave”, said Sgt Saturday. Coolguy1 is the next witness into the room. “Have you ever been geocaching with El Capitan Computation”, asked Sgt Saturday. “Several times”, said Coolguy1. “Have you ever done any of his puzzle caches”, asked Sgt Saturday. “Yes, a few” answered Coolguy1. After another minute or two, Coolguy1 leaves the room and the next witness, buzzing-bee is brought in. “Are you acquainted with El Capitan Computation?”, asked Sgt Saturday. Buzzing-bee talked for a few minutes, then left. The next witness, Monkey Girl is brought into the room. Sgt Saturday said, “Okay ma’am, can you tell me what you know about El Capitan Computation?” Monkey Girl sits down across the desk from Sgt Saturday. Officer Gannon is sitting next to her, eating something from a carryout carton. Monkey Girl says, “Wow, that smells good, what are you eating.” Officer Gannon responds, “It’s Shrimp Lo-Mein”. Monkey Girl responds, “I love shrimp. My mom makes great Shrimp Scampi.” Sgt Saturday makes a face, as if he is anxious to continue the interview. Monkey Girl continues on, “ In fact, Shrimp can only swim backwards”. Sgt Saturday interrupts, “Just the facts, ma’am”. “Please tell us what you know about El Capitan Computation”. The interview continues for a few more minutes, then Monkey Girl leaves. Sgt Saturday calls in the next witness. The Hop&Skip comes in and sits down next to Officer Dannon. Officer Dannon asks, “I hope you don’t mind me eating my dinner, I haven’t had anything to eat all day.” The Hop&Skip replies “As long as you aren’t eating anything with peanuts, I’m allergic.” Sgt Saturday asks, “Okay ma’am, what can you tell me about El Capitan Computation”? The Hop&Skip starts to say that she’s only known El Capitan for a short time because she is new to the area. Officer Dannon cuts in, “Ma’am, there aren’t peanuts in my food, but there are some kind of nuts in here, I think they’re almonds.” The Hop&Skip replies, “Almonds are part of the peach family”. Sgt Saturday interrupts, “Just the facts, ma’am”. The Hop&Skip tells Sgt Saturday that she has never done any of El Capitan’s puzzle caches yet and then she is allowed to leave. Two more geocaching witnesses are then brought in. Poe & Penny sit down at the desk. Sgt Saturday looks both of them in the eye and says “Have either of you ever hidden a puzzle cache before”. Poe nods his head and says yes, while Penny is distracted by Officer Dannon, who is sitting at the next desk chewing loudly on a piece of gum. “Sorry ma’am”, says Officer Dannon, “I eat when I’m nervous, and I’m a bit overweight, so I thought chewing gum might help.”. Penny smiled at him and said, “You burn 20 calories an hour chewing gum”. Sgt Saturday was getting annoyed again. “Please, just the facts, ma’am”. The interview continued for another minute before they left the room. Sgt Saturday still had more witnesses, so he called in Venus FlyTrap. “Okay, ma’am”, said Sgt Saturday, “what do you do?” “I cache flies, actually I don’t cache them, they actually find me” replies Venus FlyTrap. Sgt Saturday is suddenly distracted by Officer Dannon pointing to the telephone. He says to Officer Dannon, “Tell them I’ll be right there”. Venus responds, “I only cache flies, not bees. Can’t get bees". "A bee has five eyes.” Sgt Saturday says, “Just the facts, ma’am. I don’t want to know about what you cache.” Sgt Saturday goes up to Officer Gannon and says, “Phil, I’ve got to take a break, can you interview the next witness?” Officer Dannon calls in geocaching witness WheatFlower. They start to talk about El Capitan Computation and Sgt Saturday comes back into the room. Officer Dannon and WheatFlower are laughing about something. “Phil”, asks Sgt Saturday, “what have you learned”. Officer Dannon responds, “I’ve got the same birthday as Wheatflower here. Isn’t that something!”. Wheatflower looks at Sgt Saturday and says “You share your birthday with nine million others in the world.” Sergeant Sgt, annoyed again, says, “Just the facts, ma’am”. “Tell me what you know about El Capitan Computation”. The interview continues for another minute or two, then Wheatflower leaves the room. The next witness to sit down at the desk is Lunar Landscape. Sgt Saturday sits down and says, “Okay ma’am, can you tell me what you know about El Capitan Computation”? Lunar Landscape says, “Well, he’s really into math. Most of his puzzles deal with numbers, or making calculations, or pi.” Sgt Saturday asks, “Pies”? “Please, ma,am, let’s not talk about food. I only want facts”. Lunar Landscape said “Okay, then. I heard him talking about something once”. Sgt Saturday leaned in closer, “What was it?” Lunar Landscape answered, “There are 63,360 inches in a mile”. Sgt Saturday made a nasty face and said, “Just the facts, ma’am”. “What does that have to do with a puzzle cache?” Lunar Landscape said “That’s just one of many facts”. Sgt Saturday sat at his desk with a perplexed look on his face and said, “Thank you, you can go now”. Officer Dannon then came in with the next witness, (Mary)land and pulled back the chair for her. Sgt Saturday began to interview (Mary)land. In the middle of the conversation, Officer Dannon started coughing, left the room for a few minutes and then returned, drinking a glass of orange juice. (Mary)land stopped her conversation with Sgt Saturday and turned to Officer Gannon. “Officer”, she said, “Strawberries contain more vitamin C than oranges”. Officer Dannon looked at his glass of orange juice as Sgt Saturday exclaimed, “Just the facts, ma’am”. “Let’s get back to the interview.” After a few more minutes, (Mary)land left and the next witness came in. Sgt Saturday said, “Let’s see, your name is Amethyst Mouse”? “Yes, officer”, replied Amethyst Mouse. Sgt Saturday asked, “How are you involved in this case?” Amethyst Mouse went on to tell him that she hasn’t found a lot of geocaches because she is a student. She told him that she spends most of her time studying. Officer Dannon smiled and said, “My granddaughter is going to college also. In fact she’s studying to be a zoologist.” “Amethyst Mouse smiled and said, “So am I”. Officer Dannon was thrilled and asked her, “What have you learned in your classes?” Amethyst Mouse thought a moment and said, “Camels have three eyelids”. Officer Dannon started to say, “Wow, that’s interesting”, but Sgt Saturday interrupted him once again, “Just the facts, ma’am.” “ Please stay on the subject.” The interview went on for another minute or so, then Officer Dannon led Amethyst Mouse back to the waiting room. Officer Dannon then brought the last two witnesses into the room, shooter123456 and knight8. Sgt Saturday interviewed shooter123456 while Officer Dannon spoke with knight8. After a few minutes, both witnesses were brought back to the waiting area. Sgt Saturday and Officer Dannon spoke for several minutes, then went out to the waiting room where all the witnesses are. He thanked them all for their time and said they will be making a decision soon regarding the outcome of the El Capitan Computation case.

The next day, El Capitan Computation had his day in court before the judge. Sergeant Saturday and Officer Dannon asked permission to approach the bench. The judge agreed and listened as the two officers quietly explained everything to the judge for a few minutes. After nodding their heads, both officers returned to their seats. The judge picked up his gavel and rapped it loudly on the desk, then he spoke. “Will the witness please rise”. El Capitan Computation stood up and the judge spoke again. “El Capitan Computation”, he said. “I’ve heard the testimonies of the witnesses and I have decided to give you a break. You will be released and permitted to continue to geocache IF you can do one thing. I’ve learned a great deal about you from the testimony of the witnesses. Your sentence is to solve this puzzle and find the geocache. Good Luck! “

You can check your answers for this puzzle on Geochecker.com.